Family gatherings reveal a lot about a life through dialogue-rich stories.
My mother died on November 25, 1991. It was the Monday before Thanksgiving, which was November 28 that year. This year repeats that exact pattern, bringing back thoughts of that unusual Thanksgiving, when one of the people in the small group of family who had traveled to the previous day’s funeral reminded the rest of us that it was Thanksgiving Day. We bought deli turkey and sat at Mom’s dining room table, sad to have her seat vacant. A dramatic event like that is only one way to show how Thanksgiving—or any holiday—can fit into your memoir.
Holidays provide a constant measuring stick to mark changes in your life. Any other “Friends” fans here? Nine of the ten seasons of the popular comedy series featured a Thanksgiving episode in November, and the funniest one included Thanksgiving flashbacks. You probably can picture Monica with a turkey on her head. Just seeing all of the Thanksgiving episodes gives you a good idea of what was going on with the characters each year. “The Simpsons” follows a similar path with its succession of Halloween episodes.
An annual occasion with a consistent routine organically comprises many dynamics of a life:
- People. The individuals sitting around the holiday table will likely vary over the years. Babies are born, divorces occur, maybe a pair of brothers aren’t speaking so one stays home or an aunt brings a different “plus one” every year. Just the head count can indicate the state of the family. You’re also watching everyone age and their relationships with each other ebb and flow; in later years maybe the kids’ table morphs into the old people’s spot. In our family, Thanksgiving is poignant not only because of my mom’s death but because the one deceased sister in my husband’s large family used to be a fixture, always stirring the gravy and mashed potatoes at the stove. She didn’t live locally, so Thanksgiving was one time we could count on seeing her. There’s always a little bit of emptiness now that she’s not with us.
- Place. Perhaps your most memorable Thanksgiving took place at a restaurant because that year no one could host it for some reason. Or it was at your parents’ home until the year you moved them into an assisted living facility. These types of developments can be revealed through the holiday story instead of just rolling them out in a chronological but unrelated thread. We moved from the Chicago area to Florida, so now we travel back up north, rent a house and host from there. It’s slowly feeling as if the rental house is our holiday home. Including that in a memoir would illustrate how important it is to us to keep holiday traditions going.
- Food. Many memoirs make food a major player, with some authors describing meals in detail and including in the book their most beloved recipes. Food brings people together, gives a peek into personalities and serves up something every reader can relate to.
- Football or a movie. Whether your family plays it or only watches the games on TV, American football has a hold on what’s happening Thanksgiving Day. You can find creative ways to weave football through the stories you tell about yourself and your family’s Thanksgivings. Or maybe your family watches the same movie every year. This adds color to your memoir.
- You. Your book is about you, your journey, your challenges and triumphs. What are you feeling one year in contrast to the previous year? How does this family gathering—or Friendsgiving if you spend the holiday with “chosen family”—change you from year to year? If you’re not American, which holidays are important in your culture? Thanksgiving Day 2014 was significant for me because of a health issue I’d ignored for eight days. I knew my heart was racing off and on, but I didn’t know that a chord on my mitral valve had ruptured and I needed heart surgery. On Thanksgiving Day, I looked down at my chest and could see my heart beating even through my heavy sweater. The next day I finally went to the doctor. This surgery was a major event in my life, and by chance it neatly fits into a Thanksgiving theme or chapter.
Structure Within a Memoir
With all of my Thanksgiving-related situations, a chapter called “Thanksgiving” could become a vessel to hold those memories. I could insert it at the 2014 point, relate my heart scare, and then flash back to all the notable things that happened at earlier Thanksgivings. We even take our annual family photo at Thanksgiving.
You don’t have to create a separate chapter, of course. You could sprinkle several Thanksgivings—or Christmases or Mother’s Days or your own birthdays—throughout your memoir. Maybe you mention that at one Thanksgiving you introduced your family to your future spouse, but a decade later you broke up. Then you could say something like, “That year, by the time November rolled around, I had no one to bring to the Turkey Day dinner.” From there, you could recall a few other family gatherings when you’d brought your spouse.
Authors are always asking how to write a memoir. Using a device such as a recurring holiday, as long as it’s meaningful in your life’s story, can help you jump from one point to the next while providing the continuity you need in your book.