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Every ordinary life story is extraordinary!

Daughters Persuade a Dad to Write His Memoirs

While at some point many of us think about writing our memoirs, fewer actually commit to it. I wonder whether a little coaxing from family members is what makes the difference between just thinking about it and actually writing our life story.

Recently I came across a blog called “My Dad’s Memoirs,??? posted nearly three years ago by the daughters of an aging father. The preface begins: “From time to time since my retirement in 1977 (at the age of 60 years) it has been suggested to me by family and friends that I might commit to paper some of the stories of my life. This I have now decided to do, so that my grandchildren, at least, may be given an insight into a few of the many interesting experiences which have come my way over the years.???

The writer, a Scottish gentleman, proceeds to write 15 chapters detailing his early life and his war experiences before wrapping up with some more current tales. He skips much of what came in between; it’s not necessary to write parts of your life you find uninteresting or don’t care to share with readers. In this case, the author stuck to those memories that provided enjoyment in the process of retelling. I think that’s valid. If you’ve had a rocky marriage, a distasteful job or a difficult illness, for example, you can write a memoir that simply omits the unpleasant chapters of your life. Write about whatever you want. This is your story to tell, no one else’s.

Mark Mother’s Day With Memoirs-Related Gift

Moms are a huge part of our life story, and Mother’s Day, coming up this Sunday, tends to make us nostalgic about growing up with mom raising us. If you’re far away, you’ll probably send your mother a card, gift or flowers. If you live locally, you’re likely to invite her for dinner or take her out to dinner. WriteMyMemoirs would love to be part of your Mother’s Day celebration.

Your mother is probably just as nostalgic as you are, if not more. Why not show her how to sign up and join WriteMyMemoirs? Then show her how to start writing her memoirs, and after that she should find it easy to continue the process on her own. It’s special to give her the gift of your time to sit with her and show her how to navigate the website, and it’s even more special to tell her that you appreciate the effort she’ll make in writing down her personal history. I assure you that you’ll learn a lot about your mother from her memoirs.

Another approach would be to share with her your own goal of writing your memoirs. You could devote a chapter to your parents, or you could even dedicate your book to your mom. If, like me, your mother has passed on, a dedication is a great way to honor her. And if you’re the mom now? Completing your memoirs for your children to read will make a wonderful gift back to them!

Start Your Autobiography with a Powerful First Line

“I was born in [name your year] in [name your town].??? Sure, you can begin your autobiography with that sentence. But, really, why would you? Be creative, and make the first line of your memoirs drive the reader to want to learn more about you.

How? You can throw a little intrigue into your first sentence—make it mysterious in some way. An example comes from singer Janis Ian’s 2009 work, Society’s Child: My Autobiography, which reads, “I was born into the crack that split America.??? A sentence like that leads the reader to wonder what it means exactly and, thus, encourages further reading. Or, you can make a statement that, while deceivingly simple, also startles: “I was born in a house my father built??? is the first sentence of Richard Nixon’s memoirs. A third example, a multiple-sentence lead written by artist Salvador Dali, speaks for itself in giving the reader a good idea of the author’s personality: “At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since.???

You might want to wait until you have several chapters of your memoirs written before you tackle your opening line. Or, start from the beginning and write your first line, but keep an open mind that you might want to change it as you get a feel for your own story and style of writing.

Holiday Letters Chronicle a Life Story

blog20Yup, I’m one of those holiday card senders whom people love to hate—the ones who tuck an annual holiday letter into the card. With modern technology, I even print out a family photo right onto the letter. Actually, I receive a lot of positive feedback from friends who enjoy these wrap-ups of each year’s activities. I’ve been doing this since the early 1990s, taking up to three pages to humorously summarize my children’s year of growth and the various triumphs and challenges that every family experiences.

When I occasionally go back and read some the older letters, I realize that each one is like a little chapter in my life story. These letters let me relive some great family car trips, rekindle the excitement surrounding my husband’s softball team’s winning seasons and make me laugh all over again about the unpredictable and sometimes goofy nature of, as the old Reader’s Digest section called it, “life in these United States.???

As you write your memoirs, you might want to dig up any holiday letters you’ve written. Perhaps some of your family members have kept them if you haven’t, or someone may even have the ones written by the previous generation. Somehow amid all the emailing and texting, the good old-fashioned holiday letter has never gone out of style. At least I hope that mine hasn’t!

Photo: ©Olga Drozdova courtesy of dreamstime.com

Seasonal Gifts Can Add Up to a Memoir

blog19The older you are, the harder it is to choose an appropriate holiday gift for you. You probably already have everything you need. Another bangle, necktie or bottle of cologne? Unnecessary. Something for the house? Not when you’re trying to downsize. Your children may resort to coupons for “one garage clean-up,??? while your grandchildren will color yet another picture for you to stick on your refrigerator.

Since you’re here writing your memoirs, I have an idea for you. Ask your loved ones to write out a story they remember from their lives that involves you in some way. Maybe your son fondly recalls the first time you took him to the ballpark, or your daughter remembers details about the family vacation at the seashore. Your best friend may have a recollection of time you spent together that you’d forgotten all about! If you have parents, they can write or record tales from your childhood that may have happened when you were so young that you don’t remember.

When the holidays are over and you sit down in earnest to resume writing your autobiography, these stories will be helpful to you. Like a reporter, you can quote them directly, or you even can devote a whole chapter to them and include them exactly as they’re written. It will make your memoirs richer to get an outside perspective, and the contributors will know that they’ve given you a gift you truly appreciate and will use.

Memoirs Are Splashed Against History’s Canvas

blog18By their very nature, your memoirs recount stories from an entire life span and, therefore, will contain a unique historical perspective that follows that time line. Perhaps you’ve lived through a dozen U.S. administrations, several wars and a host of natural catastrophes. You may remember owning an early model automobile, watching a man land on the moon and hearing “you’ve got mail??? for the first time over the Internet. The panoramic history of the times will always provide the tapestry that brings texture to your life stories.

Reading Judith Warner’s commentary in Sunday’s New York Times got me thinking about how my own autobiography would play out against the background of the women’s movement. In quoting the book Beauty Junkies—“Looks are the new feminism???—Warner expresses the opinion that the popularity of plastic surgery reflects middle aged women’s inability in the current economy to control anything other than their own appearance. “Women’s empowerment becomes a matter of a tight face and a flat belly,??? she says.

I remember when Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique topped the best-seller list. Various decisions I’ve made have reflected the many options and opportunities granted to my generation of women. My life story, particularly my career, would not have had the same developments in another era. For example, consider what you’re reading at this very moment: someday blogs will seem so 2009!

Photo: © Nic Neish

Soul-Searching Autobiography Can Reveal Author’s Flaws

blog12Andy Williams, one of my favorite crooners, has a new memoir on the shelves, Moon River and Me. A reader who reviewed it on amazon.com wrote: “This autobiography has captured a whole, not publically well known, side of one of the greatest entertainers of all time. And above all else, I came away with an appreciation for what a really good man there has been behind the public persona. This is a story of an American Dream realized, a man, like many of us, who dedicated too much to his career and not enough to his family, who has the strength and courage to admit it.???

I like the “strength and courage??? characterization. Writing your life story in some ways is quite a brave undertaking. Even though you actually lived the events that you’re putting into words, delving deeply into each chapter may threaten your own image of yourself. I wonder how many people begin writing their memoirs only to discover aspects of their lives that shine an unflattering light on some of their choices. Looking back less than fondly on spending too little time with family, as Andy Williams does in his memoir, is probably a fairly common regret to express.

In this way, writing your memoirs can be cathartic: a good exercise in acknowledging your faults and flaws. In addition, infusing some honest evaluation will win over readers quicker than simply providing tale after tale of success, achievement and conquest.

This is Not FakeMyMemoirs.com

blog11Here at WriteMyMemoirs, we have no truth police. If you choose, you can write up your imaginary experiences as a superhero and try to pass it off as your autobiography. But I have to say that I don’t relate to that level of “embellishment.???

At livescience.com, columnist Benjamin Radford provides a short list of some high-profile faked autobiographies. Written last January, the column was timely because of the revelation that highly publicized Angel at the Fence, the story of a connection made by a young boy and girl during the Holocaust miraculously rekindled many years later as a romance and marriage, was a complete fabrication. Author Herman Rosenblat did not in truth first meet his wife Roma when she threw apples across a fence in Nazi Germany. What Oprah labeled “the greatest love story??? was more like the greatest sucker punch.

But it certainly wasn’t the only faked bio, not even the first one that fooled Oprah, who was an early champion of James Frey’s largely invented A Million Little Pieces. Our assumption with WriteMyMemoirs has been that members would be pursuing nonfiction writing. But, hey, if you want to make up the whole thing, just remember to call it what it is: a piece of pure, if entertaining, fiction.

Photo: © Gataloca

Candor in Memoirs: Don’t Ask, but Do Tell?

blog8You’ve probably heard about the disturbing revelations Mackenzie Phillips bares in her new memoir. According to reports, many of her family members are not pleased that she decided to do this, and some don’t even believe her account of the events. As you sit down to write your own life story, are there details you’d like to include that you feel might hurt family members or friends?

You may find that this is one of the toughest decisions you’ll make as you proceed with your writing. Maybe your daughter doesn’t want your grandson to know that you smoked when you were a teenager. Perhaps apprising everyone about an early first marriage will be upsetting to them. Or you may be second-guessing a passage that, in simply communicating your impressions and opinions, recalls Cousin Pat in a less-than-flattering description. Maybe the “dirty laundry??? you’re airing isn’t even your own, and someone will feel betrayed that you’ve let a cat out of the bag.

Only you can weigh other people’s feelings against how important it is to you to be fully candid as you write your memoirs. Your name is on this, and others all have the same opportunity to state their own case if they so choose. Here at WriteMyMemoirs, we’d love to hear how our autobiographers are handling this aspect. Comment on this post if you’d like to share.

Photo: © Renata Osinska

Written Memoir Could Add Detail to Vintage Wedding Album

blog7I recently attended a wedding shower where the two extended families met for the first time. To help everyone get to know each other, the host pulled out the wedding album of the bride-to-be’s grandparents. That ceremony took place in the early 1950s, and the album was really charming. The cars, clothes and hairstyles indicated an earlier era, of course, but the event was still modern enough that we all could relate.

Because the grandparents are now deceased, it was left to the next generation to narrate the story, provide background information and match names to the faces in the photos. They did a pretty good job, too! Still, I couldn’t help but think how much more complete the experience would be if the grandparents themselves had left something in writing about that special day in their lives. Here we were, more than a half-century later, about to celebrate the marriage of their granddaughter. It would be wonderful to be able to pass around a personal memoir detailing all of those great family stories that otherwise may not be passed down at all.

Look through your own wedding album—at the flowers and food and people sharing the day with you—and let it inspire you to write down your thoughts for the generations that follow. When it comes time for your grandchildren and their grandchildren to walk down the aisle, they’ll feel your presence as they carry on the “wedding culture??? of the family.

Photo: © Olga Drozdova

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Then just set up a chapter and start writing your memoir. Don’t worry about rules. There are no rules to writing your memoir; there are only trends. These trends are based on techniques and features identified in current top-selling memoirs. At best, they’re the flavor of the month. If you’re capturing your life in print for your family, for your own gratification or to inspire readers, rather than aiming to set off Hollywood screenplay bidding wars, these trends don’t even apply to you. You’ll write the memoir that suits you best, and it will be timeless, not trend-driven.There are no rules, but there are four steps:

1. Theme/framework
2. Writing
3. Editing/polishing
4. Self-publishing

You’ve researched this, too, and you’ve been shocked at the price for getting help with any one of those steps, much less all four. That’s because most memoir sites promise to commercialize your work. They’ll follow a formula based on current memoir trends, because they want to convince you that they can turn your memoir into a best-seller. These sites overwhelm you with unnecessary information not to help you, the memoir author, but to address Search Engine Optimization (SEO) algorithms so they can sell more.

That’s not what we do at Write My Memoirs. Our small community of coaches, writers and editors are every bit as skilled as any you’ll find, and we charge appropriately for their expertise and the time they’ll spend helping you craft a compelling, enjoyable read. But you won’t pay an upcharge for other websites’ commercialization, the marketing that follows, and the pages of intimidating “advice.” You can sell your book if you like—we have ISBNs available for you—but our organic process of capturing your story takes a noncommercial path.

If you want help with any or all of the four steps above, choose from our services or save money by selecting one of our packages. If you’d like to talk about what’s right for you, schedule a call. One year from now, you can be holding your published memoir in your hand. And at that point, it will be a big deal!