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Every ordinary life story is extraordinary!

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Every ordinary life story is extraordinary!

Rosanne Ullman

Rosanne Ullman owns Write My Memoirs (writemymemoirs.com) to help people write and self-publish their life stories and co-owns Home Memoir (homememoir.com) to help people capture, in a coffee-table book, the love they have for their home. For 20 years, Rosanne taught grammar at a local adult education program, New Trier eXtention, and that well-received course is the basis for the Write My Memoirs Grammar and Writing Course. Rosanne has a long freelance career writing for and about various industries, particularly the professional beauty industry. Her observations about life appear frequently on various blog sites and include regular contributions to Sixty and Me (sixtyandme.com) and Boomer Cafe (boomercafe.com). Rosanne also is the author of the children’s picture book The Case of the Disappearing Kisses. She holds a Master’s degree in Journalism (MSJ) from Northwestern University’s famed Medill School of Journalism.

Your Life as Improv Theater

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Your Life as Improv Theater
As you’re writing your memoirs, I know many of you are picturing your stories coming to life as a script for the movies or theater. If you happen to be anywhere London, England, your vision could become reality sooner than you think.
Stillpoint, a British theatrical troupe, has established The Department of Unreliable Memoirs to conduct a “micro project” as part of the White Night presentations at one of its performance venues, the Nightingale Theater in Brighton. Billed as “an intimate encounter for one audience member,” the project requires the players to act out a scene from the life of an audience member who volunteers to describe the action. As the audience-member storyteller, you can play fast and loose with the facts: “Make an appointment with our helpful hostesses to retrieve a half forgotten moment, from a past you may well have had,” the promotion states.
It sounds as if it’s all in good fun, but maybe you could apply the concept as part of your memoirs writing process. Think about the various scenes from your life’s chapters. Which elements create drama? Can you incorporate humor in the story? Or does it amount to a tragedy? How can this narrative further the character development of the players in your life? And if you’d like to see actors play it out right in front of you, a trip the UK may be in store!

As you’re writing your memoirs, I know many of you are picturing your stories coming to life as a script for the movies or theater. If you happen to be anywhere London, England, your vision could become reality sooner than you think.

Stillpoint, a British theatrical troupe, has established The Department of Unreliable Memoirs to conduct a “micro project” as part of the White Night presentations at one of its performance venues, the Nightingale Theater in Brighton. Billed as “an intimate encounter for one audience member,” the project requires the players to act out a scene from the life of an audience member who volunteers to describe the action. As the audience-member storyteller, you can play fast and loose with the facts: “Make an appointment with our helpful hostesses to retrieve a half-forgotten moment, from a past you may well have had,” the promotion states.

It sounds as if it’s all in good fun, but maybe you could apply the concept as part of your memoirs writing process. Think about the various scenes from your life’s chapters. Which elements create drama? Can you incorporate humor in the story? Or does it amount to a tragedy? How can the narrative of this vignette further the character development of the players in your life? And if you’d like to see actors play it out right in front of you, a trip the UK may be in store!

What You and Carole King Have in Common

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What You and Carole King Have in Common
On NBC’s Today Show this morning, Ann Curry interviewed iconic singer/songwriter Carole King, now 70, about her new memoir, A Natural Woman. As she spoke about her reasons for writing a memoir and the memoir writing process in general, she reminded me of you! Judging by the email we receive from WriteMyMemoirs members, a lot of what Carole expressed is universally felt among people who decide to put their life stories into words. See whether you relate:
Ann: “People say that writing a memoir is incredibly illuminating. What did you learn about yourself?”
Carole: “Oh my gosh, I learned so much….Why did I actually do the things I did, and why did I choose the men I chose?”
In the book, Carole describes some physical abuse at the hands of a lesser-known of her four husbands.
Carole: “The writing of this story—I wasn’t sure I was going to include it in the book—but I wanted people to understand, people who go through [domestic abuse]—mostly women but some men—that you’re not alone. This is a phenomenon that can even happen to somebody like me, who was successful, who had financial independence.” The book includes information about where to go for help.
Carole on why it took 12 years, until age 70, to finish the book: “I finally felt the calmness….People have said, ‘You should write about your life,’ for a lot of my life because I have such an interesting life. But it was only until just before I was 60 that I just said, ‘Okay, I’m ready to embrace this stage of my life.”
Ann, noting that Carole has more than 400 compositions recorded by 1000+ artists to her credit, plus five grandchildren: “How do you want to be remembered…now that you’ve looked back on [your life]?
Carole: “My goal every day is to try to be a good person, to try to do kind things, to try to make the world a better place in the ways that I can. And if I have influenced one person in a good way, that’s good enough.”
Click here to view video of the entire interview.

On NBC’s Today Show this morning, Ann Curry interviewed iconic singer/songwriter Carole King, now 70, about her new memoir, A Natural Woman. As she spoke about her reasons for writing a memoir and the memoir writing process in general, she reminded me of you! Judging by the email we receive from WriteMyMemoirs members, a lot of what Carole expressed is universally felt among people who decide to put their life stories into words. See whether you relate:

Ann: “People say that writing a memoir is incredibly illuminating. What did you learn about yourself?”
Carole: “Oh my gosh, I learned so much….Why did I actually do the things I did, and why did I choose the men I chose?”

In the book, Carole describes some physical abuse at the hands of a lesser-known of her four husbands.
Carole: “The writing of this story—I wasn’t sure I was going to include it in the book—but I wanted people to understand, people who go through [domestic abuse]—mostly women but some men—that you’re not alone. This is a phenomenon that can even happen to somebody like me, who was successful, who had financial independence.” The book includes information about where to go for help.

Carole on why it took 12 years, until age 70, to finish the book: “I finally felt the calmness….People have said, ‘You should write about your life,’ for a lot of my life because I have such an interesting life. But it was only until just before I was 60 that I just said, ‘Okay, I’m ready to embrace this stage of my life.”

Ann, noting that Carole has more than 400 compositions recorded by 1000+ artists to her credit, plus five grandchildren: “How do you want to be remembered…now that you’ve looked back on [your life]?”
Carole: “My goal every day is to try to be a good person, to try to do kind things, to try to make the world a better place in the ways that I can. And if I have influenced one person in a good way, that’s good enough.”

Click here to view video of the entire interview.

Writing as Therapy

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Writing as Therapy
Product or process—which is your main reason for writing your memoir? Do you dearly want to produce a book that traces your life story for others to read or, rather, are you primarily using your memoir writing project as a therapeutic means of working through problems?
Writing in a recent New York Times Sunday Magazine, Steve Almond argues that the number of writing workshops, writing conferences and university-level creative writing programs has exploded to fill the void previously occupied by traditional “talk therapy” sessions with a counselor. The iconic image of the patient on the couch confiding in a therapist is a picture from the past, Almond maintains. Today, he says, troubled people take prescribed medication to sort of fix their brain chemistry and, while that may make them feel better, it’s not fulfilling.
Therefore what creative writers want, says Almond, who currently leads a writer’s workshop for people in their 50s and 60s, is “permission to articulate feelings that were somehow off limits within the fragile habitat of their families….[Creative writing] almost always involves a direct engagement with [the] inner life, as well as a demand for greater empathy and disclosure. These goals are fundamentally therapeutic.” To any of you who have landed at WriteMyMemoirs in an effort to claim your right to express yourself, sort through the difficult aspects of your life or quiet “the human heart in conflict with itself,” as Almond quotes William Faulkner, please feel very welcome here.

Product or process—which is your main reason for writing your memoir? Do you dearly want to produce a book that traces your life story for others to read or, rather, are you primarily using your memoir writing project as a therapeutic means of working through problems?

Writing in a recent New York Times Sunday Magazine, Steve Almond argues that the number of writing workshops, writing conferences and university-level creative writing programs has exploded to fill the void previously occupied by traditional “talk therapy” sessions with a counselor. The iconic image of the patient on the couch confiding in a therapist is a picture from the past, Almond maintains. Today, he says, troubled people take prescribed medication to sort of fix their brain chemistry and, while that may make them feel better, it’s not fulfilling.

Therefore what creative writers want, says Almond, who currently leads a writer’s workshop for people in their 50s and 60s, is “permission to articulate feelings that were somehow off limits within the fragile habitat of their families….[Creative writing] almost always involves a direct engagement with [the] inner life, as well as a demand for greater empathy and disclosure. These goals are fundamentally therapeutic.” To any of you who have landed at WriteMyMemoirs in an effort to claim your right to express yourself, sort through the difficult aspects of your life or quiet “the human heart in conflict with itself,” as Almond quotes William Faulkner, please feel very welcome here.

Write Memoirs for “Post-Traumatic Growth”

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Write Memoirs for “Post-Traumatic Growth”
We hear a lot about post-traumatic stress. Soldiers in war, victims of crime and survivors of accidents and illnesses all face a heightened risk of dysfunction due to stress simply because of their difficult experiences. But have you ever heard about “post-traumatic growth”? This refers to the positive effects that a traumatic experience can have on us. We can actually learn from our trauma.
Many of the people who write to us here at WriteMyMemoirs share with us their personal tragedies, losses and challenges in putting the past behind them. We always encourage them to write a memoir as a way to work through those life-changing times. Writing it out helps to put things in perspective. It may provide an epiphany “a-ha!” awareness, or it can simply feel satisfying to get the facts in order and explore all the feelings involved.
Whether you have had a fully traumatic life or you’ve experienced just one traumatic event, please don’t let the post-traumatic stress define you. By writing your memoir, perhaps you will be able to turn it around and experience post-traumatic growth that allows you to move on. Instead of trying futilely to forget what happened to you, you’ll be confronting it. You’ll take the power back and, while you can’t reverse what happened, you can find a way to grow from it. Moreover, you may be helping others who read your memoir.

We hear a lot about post-traumatic stress. Soldiers in war, victims of crime and survivors of accidents and illnesses all face a heightened risk of dysfunction due to stress simply because of their difficult experiences. But have you ever heard about “post-traumatic growth”? This refers to the positive effects that a traumatic experience can have on us. We can actually learn from our trauma.

Many of the people who write to us here at WriteMyMemoirs share with us their personal tragedies, losses and challenges in putting the past behind them. We always encourage them to write a memoir as a way to work through those life-changing times. Writing it out helps to put things in perspective. It may provide an epiphany “a-ha!” awareness, or it can simply feel satisfying to get the facts in order and explore all the feelings involved.

Whether you have had a fully traumatic life or you’ve experienced just one traumatic event, please don’t let the post-traumatic stress define you. By writing your memoir, perhaps you will be able to turn it around and experience post-traumatic growth that allows you to move on. Instead of trying futilely to forget what happened to you, you’ll be confronting it. You’ll take the power back and, while you can’t reverse what happened, you can find a way to grow from it. Moreover, you may be helping others who read your memoir.

No Time to Read? This is For You!

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No Time to Read? This is For You!
If you’re really hunkerin’ down and writing your memoirs, you may think you’re too busy to read books. After all, you’re writing one! But I urge you to keep up with your reading during this time, because other authors’ work inspires you to use language well and to continue until you’ve completed your project—so that you’ll have something for other people to read.
To fit reading into your tight schedule, try this idea from DailyLit.com. When you sign up with DailyLit for free, you can choose a book to have emailed to you in regular installments that each take just a few minutes to read. So while you’re reading your email, you’re also reading a book. You tell DailyLit exactly what time and how often to send you the installments—as the name indicates, a daily email is the norm—and you can always order another installment right away if you have time and can’t put the “book” down.
“We created DailyLit because we spent hours each day on email but could not find the time to read a book,” the website says. “Now the books come to us by email. Problem solved.” Although some books do have a fee attached, many are free because the site is supported by advertising. I especially encourage you to read other people’s memoirs, so click on this DailyLit page and you’ll find some of those. And then you can get back to writing your own memoirs!

If you’re really hunkerin’ down and writing your memoirs, you may think you’re too busy to read books. After all, you’re writing one! But I urge you to keep up with your reading during this time, because other authors’ work inspires you to use language well and to continue until you’ve completed your project—so that you’ll have something for other people to read.

To fit reading into your tight schedule, try this idea from DailyLit.com. When you sign up with DailyLit for free, you can choose a book to have emailed to you in regular installments that each take just a few minutes to read. So while you’re reading your email, you’re also reading a book. You tell DailyLit exactly what time and how often to send you the installments—as the name indicates, a daily email is the norm—and you can always order another installment right away if you have time and can’t put the “book” down.

“We created DailyLit because we spent hours each day on email but could not find the time to read a book,” the website says. “Now the books come to us by email. Problem solved.” Although some books do have a fee attached, many are free because the site is supported by advertising. I especially encourage you to read other people’s memoirs, so click on this DailyLit page and you’ll find some of those. And then you can get back to writing your own memoirs!

The Power of Photos in Your Memoirs

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The Power of Photos in Your Memoirs
We were asked recently how to add a photograph to a WriteMyMemoirs writing page. Great question! Visuals aid the reader’s mental picture of the events that took place and the people who played a role, but they also help you, the author.
As you review the many photos you have around the house, you’ll be reminded of off-your-radar episodes and people you may want to consider for topics in your memoir. Also, the combination of visual elements and text will provide you with the most valuable record of your memories. Even when photographs do not make your “final cut” for inclusion, they can jog your memory. Looking at a picture of your childhood home, for example, will enable you to describe the structure with accuracy and enriching detail.
So how do you add a photo to a WriteMyMemoirs page? On the page in your account, just click on the icon at the far right. That will bring up a selection of stock photos, but it also will provide a button marked “upload” that you can click on to take you into your own computer files. Then you need to find the file in which it’s stored, and you should be able to follow directions from there. If your photo is not in digital form, you will have to scan it first in order to store the digital form on your computer.

We were asked recently how to add a photograph to a WriteMyMemoirs writing page. Great question! Visuals aid the reader’s mental picture of the events that took place and the people who played a role, but they also help you, the author.

As you review the many photos you have around the house, you’ll be reminded of off-your-radar episodes and people you may want to consider for topics in your memoir. Also, the combination of visual elements and text will provide you with the most valuable record of your memories. Even when photographs do not make your “final cut” for inclusion, they can jog your memory. Looking at a picture of your childhood home, for example, will enable you to describe the structure with accuracy and enriching detail.

So how do you add a photo to a WriteMyMemoirs page? On the page in your account, just click on the icon at the far right. That will bring up a selection of stock photos, but it also will provide a button marked “upload” that you can click on to take you into your own computer files. Then you need to find the file in which it’s stored, and you should be able to follow directions from there. If your photo is not in digital form, you will have to scan it first in order to store the digital form on your computer.

More Grammar: The “They” Issue

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“Everyone can find something they like on the menu.” Right or wrong? I hope you don’t mind another grammar discussion as you plug away at writing your memoir.

Today’s column by New York Times blogger Philip B. Corbett tackles the continuing dilemma of the gender-neutral singular pronoun. I’m among those who bristle at pairing the singular “anyone,” “everyone” or “no one” with the plural “they” or “their.” Corbett mostly agrees but also discourages resorting to the old-fashion “he” or the cumbersome “he or she.” I’m guessing he wouldn’t much like “s/he,” either. The problem is that English leaves you no good option. Or does it?

I’ve long advocated for just switching up the sentence. English is a rich language, and it’s not that difficult to say the same thing in a different way. This is Corbett’s solution as well. He tends to simply pluralize everything. For example: Should every student design their own curriculum? He changes that to: Should all students design their own curriculums? That’s good with me, except I would use curricula rather than curriculums, but I prefer his second suggestion: Should every student design an individual curriculum?

When we apply this to the first sentence above, we can come up with a few choices: All diners can find something they like on the menu; Anyone find something on the menu to enjoy; Everyone can find a satisfactory choice on the menu; The menu addresses all tastes and diets. Etcetera!

Avoid Redundancy in Your Memoir

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Every so often I like to use the blog for a mini grammar lesson. With references to “PIN numbers” and “ATM machines” tossed around all the time, let’s discuss redundancy. You want every page of your memoir to be compelling, and filling space with excess words does not meet that goal. Here are some common redundant phrases you should avoid:

Autobiography of my life. If it’s anyone else’s life, the term is “biography.”
Basic fundamentals. If they’re not basic, they’re not fundamentals.
Completely eliminated. Yes, that’s the meaning of “eliminated.”
Estimated to be about. “Estimated” or “about”—you don’t need both.
Fellow classmates/colleagues. There’s no need for “fellow.”
Free gift. It wasn’t a gift if you had to pay for it.
Future plans. We rarely make plans for the past.
Kneel down. It goes without saying that you’re not kneeling up or laterally.
May/might possibly. The uncertainty is built into the word “may” or “might,” so you can drop “possibly.”
New innovation. An innovation is, by definition, always new.
Pre-planning. How did this ever come into use?
Unintentional mistake. They’re called “mistakes” because they’re unintentional!
Very unique. If you’re correctly using “unique” to indicate something that’s truly one-of-a-kind, you won’t need to qualify it.

And what about your PIN number and the ATM machine? Spell out the acronym, and you’ll see the redundancy: Personal Identification Number number and Automatic Teller Machine machine. Similarly, refer to your GPS system as just a GPS.

Memoir Writers: Go Through Your Stuff!

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Memoir Writers: Go Through Your Stuff!
A recent newspaper story about former Chicago Cultural Affairs Commissioner Lois Weisberg ends with the information that the octegenarian is working on her memoirs. She was quoted in the Chicago Tribune article as saying that to “aspire to write a book at my age is really kind of insane.”
Here at WriteMyMemoirs we certainly would not consider the endeavor “insane.” At 85, Weisberg is still active and able. Until last year she was working full-time, and now she finally can reflect upon her long career and her family life with four children. As part of former Mayor Daley’s inner circle, she very likely has a lot of juicy tidbits to share. But, just like your memoir, Weisberg’s story won’t write itself. She told the reporter that she attacks it every morning for a few hours, writing in longhand on a legal pad.
“Go through your old boxes,” Weisberg advises people in the process of writing a memoir but having trouble coming up with chapters and topics. “You might find something interesting.” I would add this: go through your email. Even if you didn’t keep old letters, the electronic version of mail may provide more of a record than you think—at least for the past five or ten years. Don’t forget to ask friends and family members whether they’ve saved letters and emails, too. You may not have correspondence from the Daleys, but surely you exchanged notes with people who’ve made an impact on your life.

A recent newspaper story about former Chicago Cultural Affairs Commissioner Lois Weisberg ends with the information that the octegenarian is working on her memoirs. She was quoted in the Chicago Tribune article as saying that to “aspire to write a book at my age is really kind of insane.”

Here at WriteMyMemoirs we certainly would not consider the endeavor “insane.” At 85, Weisberg is still active and able. Until last year she was working full-time, and now she finally can reflect upon her long career and her family life with four children. As part of former Mayor Daley’s inner circle, she very likely has a lot of juicy tidbits to share. But, just like your memoir, Weisberg’s story won’t write itself. She told the reporter that she attacks it every morning for a few hours, writing in longhand on a legal pad.

“Go through your old boxes,” Weisberg advises people in the process of writing a memoir but having trouble coming up with chapters and topics. “You might find something interesting.” You may have saved ticket stubs, cheap souvenirs from trips and, of course, letters. Also, go through your email. It may provide more of a record than you think—at least for the past five or ten years. Don’t forget to ask friends and family members whether they’ve saved letters and emails, too. You may not have correspondence from the Daleys, but surely you exchanged notes with people who’ve made an impact on your life.

Valentine’s Day and Love in Memoirs

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Valentine’s Day and Love in Memoirs
Since today is Valentine’s Day, let’s talk about love and romance! This can be a sticky topic in a memoir. How much information is too much?
Consider your audience and your goal. If you’re writing your memoirs primarily for your children, grandchildren and friends, you may want to limit your courtship stories to the person or people who have been important to your family. If you have been married to one person for decades, that person is probably the only one you’ll want to talk about. A couple of charming anecdotes about your courtship and what dating was like during the era you met can form a wonderful chapter in a memoir. Readers will be interested in learning why you were attracted to each other, how you overcame obstacles to being together and a description of your engagement and wedding. Valentine’s Day itself may come up as you reminisce about your years together.
If you have had more than one spouse or important significant other, carefully determine how much you want to share about past relationships. This decision is likely to be shaped by whether you were widowed or divorced. If you express any bitter feelings, read that section over a few times or ask someone you trust how it comes across. Again, your goal becomes important. If you want your memoirs to be a statement of your perspective on everything that has happened to you, all of your major relationships may be pertinent. People’s feelings get easily hurt, so just be careful. And Happy Valentine’s Day!

Since today is Valentine’s Day, let’s talk about love and romance! This can be a sticky topic in a memoir. How much information is too much?

Consider your audience and your goal. If you’re writing your memoirs primarily for your children, grandchildren and friends, you may want to limit your courtship stories to the person or people who have been important to your family. If you have been married to one person for decades, that person is probably the only one you’ll want to talk about. A couple of charming anecdotes about your courtship and what dating was like during the era you met can form a wonderful chapter in a memoir. Readers will be interested in learning why you were attracted to each other, how you overcame obstacles to being together and a description of your engagement and wedding. Valentine’s Day itself may come up as you reminisce about your years together.

If you have had more than one spouse or important significant other, carefully determine how much you want to share about past relationships. This decision is likely to be shaped by whether you were widowed or divorced. If you express any bitter feelings, read that section over a few times or ask someone you trust how it comes across. Again, your goal becomes important. If you want your memoirs to be a statement of your perspective on everything that has happened to you, all of your major relationships may be pertinent. People’s feelings get easily hurt, so just be careful. And Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Then just set up a chapter and start writing your memoir. Don’t worry about rules. There are no rules to writing your memoir; there are only trends. These trends are based on techniques and features identified in current top-selling memoirs. At best, they’re the flavor of the month. If you’re capturing your life in print for your family, for your own gratification or to inspire readers, rather than aiming to set off Hollywood screenplay bidding wars, these trends don’t even apply to you. You’ll write the memoir that suits you best, and it will be timeless, not trend-driven.There are no rules, but there are four steps:

1. Theme/framework
2. Writing
3. Editing/polishing
4. Self-publishing

You’ve researched this, too, and you’ve been shocked at the price for getting help with any one of those steps, much less all four. That’s because most memoir sites promise to commercialize your work. They’ll follow a formula based on current memoir trends, because they want to convince you that they can turn your memoir into a best-seller. These sites overwhelm you with unnecessary information not to help you, the memoir author, but to address Search Engine Optimization (SEO) algorithms so they can sell more.

That’s not what we do at Write My Memoirs. Our small community of coaches, writers and editors are every bit as skilled as any you’ll find, and we charge appropriately for their expertise and the time they’ll spend helping you craft a compelling, enjoyable read. But you won’t pay an upcharge for other websites’ commercialization, the marketing that follows, and the pages of intimidating “advice.” You can sell your book if you like—we have ISBNs available for you—but our organic process of capturing your story takes a noncommercial path.

If you want help with any or all of the four steps above, choose from our services or save money by selecting one of our packages. If you’d like to talk about what’s right for you, schedule a call. One year from now, you can be holding your published memoir in your hand. And at that point, it will be a big deal!

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