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Memoir writing process

Write Memoirs for “Post-Traumatic Growth”

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Write Memoirs for “Post-Traumatic Growth”
We hear a lot about post-traumatic stress. Soldiers in war, victims of crime and survivors of accidents and illnesses all face a heightened risk of dysfunction due to stress simply because of their difficult experiences. But have you ever heard about “post-traumatic growth”? This refers to the positive effects that a traumatic experience can have on us. We can actually learn from our trauma.
Many of the people who write to us here at WriteMyMemoirs share with us their personal tragedies, losses and challenges in putting the past behind them. We always encourage them to write a memoir as a way to work through those life-changing times. Writing it out helps to put things in perspective. It may provide an epiphany “a-ha!” awareness, or it can simply feel satisfying to get the facts in order and explore all the feelings involved.
Whether you have had a fully traumatic life or you’ve experienced just one traumatic event, please don’t let the post-traumatic stress define you. By writing your memoir, perhaps you will be able to turn it around and experience post-traumatic growth that allows you to move on. Instead of trying futilely to forget what happened to you, you’ll be confronting it. You’ll take the power back and, while you can’t reverse what happened, you can find a way to grow from it. Moreover, you may be helping others who read your memoir.

We hear a lot about post-traumatic stress. Soldiers in war, victims of crime and survivors of accidents and illnesses all face a heightened risk of dysfunction due to stress simply because of their difficult experiences. But have you ever heard about “post-traumatic growth”? This refers to the positive effects that a traumatic experience can have on us. We can actually learn from our trauma.

Many of the people who write to us here at WriteMyMemoirs share with us their personal tragedies, losses and challenges in putting the past behind them. We always encourage them to write a memoir as a way to work through those life-changing times. Writing it out helps to put things in perspective. It may provide an epiphany “a-ha!” awareness, or it can simply feel satisfying to get the facts in order and explore all the feelings involved.

Whether you have had a fully traumatic life or you’ve experienced just one traumatic event, please don’t let the post-traumatic stress define you. By writing your memoir, perhaps you will be able to turn it around and experience post-traumatic growth that allows you to move on. Instead of trying futilely to forget what happened to you, you’ll be confronting it. You’ll take the power back and, while you can’t reverse what happened, you can find a way to grow from it. Moreover, you may be helping others who read your memoir.

Memoir Writers: Go Through Your Stuff!

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Memoir Writers: Go Through Your Stuff!
A recent newspaper story about former Chicago Cultural Affairs Commissioner Lois Weisberg ends with the information that the octegenarian is working on her memoirs. She was quoted in the Chicago Tribune article as saying that to “aspire to write a book at my age is really kind of insane.”
Here at WriteMyMemoirs we certainly would not consider the endeavor “insane.” At 85, Weisberg is still active and able. Until last year she was working full-time, and now she finally can reflect upon her long career and her family life with four children. As part of former Mayor Daley’s inner circle, she very likely has a lot of juicy tidbits to share. But, just like your memoir, Weisberg’s story won’t write itself. She told the reporter that she attacks it every morning for a few hours, writing in longhand on a legal pad.
“Go through your old boxes,” Weisberg advises people in the process of writing a memoir but having trouble coming up with chapters and topics. “You might find something interesting.” I would add this: go through your email. Even if you didn’t keep old letters, the electronic version of mail may provide more of a record than you think—at least for the past five or ten years. Don’t forget to ask friends and family members whether they’ve saved letters and emails, too. You may not have correspondence from the Daleys, but surely you exchanged notes with people who’ve made an impact on your life.

A recent newspaper story about former Chicago Cultural Affairs Commissioner Lois Weisberg ends with the information that the octegenarian is working on her memoirs. She was quoted in the Chicago Tribune article as saying that to “aspire to write a book at my age is really kind of insane.”

Here at WriteMyMemoirs we certainly would not consider the endeavor “insane.” At 85, Weisberg is still active and able. Until last year she was working full-time, and now she finally can reflect upon her long career and her family life with four children. As part of former Mayor Daley’s inner circle, she very likely has a lot of juicy tidbits to share. But, just like your memoir, Weisberg’s story won’t write itself. She told the reporter that she attacks it every morning for a few hours, writing in longhand on a legal pad.

“Go through your old boxes,” Weisberg advises people in the process of writing a memoir but having trouble coming up with chapters and topics. “You might find something interesting.” You may have saved ticket stubs, cheap souvenirs from trips and, of course, letters. Also, go through your email. It may provide more of a record than you think—at least for the past five or ten years. Don’t forget to ask friends and family members whether they’ve saved letters and emails, too. You may not have correspondence from the Daleys, but surely you exchanged notes with people who’ve made an impact on your life.

Valentine’s Day and Love in Memoirs

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Valentine’s Day and Love in Memoirs
Since today is Valentine’s Day, let’s talk about love and romance! This can be a sticky topic in a memoir. How much information is too much?
Consider your audience and your goal. If you’re writing your memoirs primarily for your children, grandchildren and friends, you may want to limit your courtship stories to the person or people who have been important to your family. If you have been married to one person for decades, that person is probably the only one you’ll want to talk about. A couple of charming anecdotes about your courtship and what dating was like during the era you met can form a wonderful chapter in a memoir. Readers will be interested in learning why you were attracted to each other, how you overcame obstacles to being together and a description of your engagement and wedding. Valentine’s Day itself may come up as you reminisce about your years together.
If you have had more than one spouse or important significant other, carefully determine how much you want to share about past relationships. This decision is likely to be shaped by whether you were widowed or divorced. If you express any bitter feelings, read that section over a few times or ask someone you trust how it comes across. Again, your goal becomes important. If you want your memoirs to be a statement of your perspective on everything that has happened to you, all of your major relationships may be pertinent. People’s feelings get easily hurt, so just be careful. And Happy Valentine’s Day!

Since today is Valentine’s Day, let’s talk about love and romance! This can be a sticky topic in a memoir. How much information is too much?

Consider your audience and your goal. If you’re writing your memoirs primarily for your children, grandchildren and friends, you may want to limit your courtship stories to the person or people who have been important to your family. If you have been married to one person for decades, that person is probably the only one you’ll want to talk about. A couple of charming anecdotes about your courtship and what dating was like during the era you met can form a wonderful chapter in a memoir. Readers will be interested in learning why you were attracted to each other, how you overcame obstacles to being together and a description of your engagement and wedding. Valentine’s Day itself may come up as you reminisce about your years together.

If you have had more than one spouse or important significant other, carefully determine how much you want to share about past relationships. This decision is likely to be shaped by whether you were widowed or divorced. If you express any bitter feelings, read that section over a few times or ask someone you trust how it comes across. Again, your goal becomes important. If you want your memoirs to be a statement of your perspective on everything that has happened to you, all of your major relationships may be pertinent. People’s feelings get easily hurt, so just be careful. And Happy Valentine’s Day!

Checking In: Still Motivated to Write Your Memoir?

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Checking In: Still Motivated to Write Your Memoir?
It’s late January, and your New Year’s Resolution to write that memoir may be melting faster than snow in sunshine. A blogger at zenhabits.net zeroes in on two secrets to staying motivated with any goal: 1) enjoying the task, and 2) answering to outside pressure. Let’s take them one at a time.
To enjoy writing your memoir, first make sure you’re in a comfortable setting. You should be pleased with every aspect—your computer, chair and desk; the temperature in the room; perhaps a view; the level of noise/quiet. Identify the time of day and day(s) of the week you feel creative and you don’t feel guilty for taking time away from other responsibilities. For content, choose the parts of your life you like to remember. If there are painful segments, leave those for later, after you’ve grown accustomed to your writing routine. Bite off little bits so that the project doesn’t overwhelm you. Review your life one anecdote at a time.
The second motivating tool—developing outside pressure—should be easy. Just tell your family and friends that you’re writing a memoir! Give them weekly updates, and have them commit to ask you about it if you forget. As our own memoir writing community, we can be accountable to each other. Leave a comment here about how far you’ve progressed toward your goal, or friend us on Facebook. We’ll start a thread on the Write My Memoirs page for you to leave a comment to motivate yourself as well as everyone!
http://zenhabits.net/the-only-two-secrets-to-motivating-yourself-youll-ever-need/
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It’s late January, and your New Year’s Resolution to write that memoir may be melting faster than snow in sunshine. A blogger at zenhabits.net zeroes in on two secrets to staying motivated with any goal: 1) enjoying the task, and 2) answering to outside pressure. Let’s take them one at a time.

To enjoy writing your memoir, first make sure you’re in a comfortable setting. You should be pleased with every aspect—your computer, chair and desk; the temperature in the room; perhaps a view; the level of noise/quiet. Identify the time of day and day(s) of the week you feel creative and you don’t feel guilty for taking time away from other responsibilities. For content, choose the parts of your life you like to remember. If there are painful segments, leave those for later, after you’ve grown accustomed to your writing routine. Bite off little bits so that the project doesn’t overwhelm you. Review your life one anecdote at a time.

The second motivating tool—developing outside pressure—should be easy. Just tell your family and friends that you’re writing a memoir! Give them weekly updates, and have them commit to asking you about it if you forget. As our own memoir writing community, we can be accountable to each other. Leave a comment here about how far you’ve progressed toward your goal, or friend us on Facebook. We’ll start a thread on the Write My Memoirs page for you to leave a comment to motivate yourself as well as everyone!

Attend a Memoir-Writing Retreat

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Attend a Memoir-Writing Retreat
You might want to consider attending an upcoming Memoir Writing Conference 2012, where you can join people like you who are looking for information and motivation to help them write their life stories. This event takes place Saturday, April 28, in Bethlehem, PA, and costs $225 plus $100 if you choose to attend a Friday night dinner. WriteMyMemoirs has no association with this conference and does not receive anything for publicizing this event, but we like to alert you to any tool or experience that might help you write your memoir.
The full day of inspiration features an impressive roster of presenters, all authors themselves who, as a group, represent a diverse range of expertise that reflects the theme for this year’s conference: getting in touch with your five senses to help you recall and describe events in your life.
The keynote speaker is newspaper columnist, blogger and journalism professor Bill White. I love the reason he was asked to speak, as stated on the website: “Bill became interested in memoirs a few years ago when he wrote a piece about a Ukrainian woman who used her dying days to write about her life growing up in the old country, her hardships during World War II, her emigration to the United States and her life here with her husband and children. Bill was struck by how beautifully she told her story, but even more by how much other families, including his own, would appreciate that kind of memoir from our parents and grandparents to share with future generations.” Click here for details about the conference.
https://memoir2012.com/Presenters.php

You might want to consider attending the upcoming Memoir Writing Conference 2012, where you can join people like you who are looking for information and motivation to help them write their life stories. This event takes place Saturday, April 28, in Bethlehem, PA, and costs $225 plus $100 if you choose to attend a Friday night dinner. WriteMyMemoirs has no association with this conference and does not receive anything for publicizing this event, but we like to alert you to any tool or experience that might help you write your memoir.

The full day of inspiration features an impressive roster of presenters, all authors themselves who, as a group, represent a diverse range of expertise that reflects the theme for this year’s conference: getting in touch with your five senses to help you recall and describe events in your life.

The keynote speaker is newspaper columnist, blogger and journalism professor Bill White. I love the reason he was asked to speak, as stated on the website: “Bill became interested in memoirs a few years ago when he wrote a piece about a Ukrainian woman who used her dying days to write about her life growing up in the old country, her hardships during World War II, her emigration to the United States and her life here with her husband and children. Bill was struck by how beautifully she told her story, but even more by how much other families, including his own, would appreciate that kind of memoir from our parents and grandparents to share with future generations.” Click here for details about the conference.

New Features on WriteMyMemoirs

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We hope you’ve been enjoying the additions to our website. We’ve tried to come up with ways to keep you writing if you get stuck.

You probably have noticed the button, “Don’t know what to write about?” If you click on that, you’ll pull up hints about topics that you might want to include in your memoir. For example, one hint is: “Did you volunteer for charities or other organizations? Did you enjoy that?” That might trigger your memory about being a room mother for your child at school, a coach for your kid’s basketball team or a candy striper when you were younger. Remembering those experiences can lead to interesting anecdotes, so we hope a reminder like that helps to move your life story forward.

Each hint also includes the question, “Was this helpful to you?” You can opt out of answering this, of course, but if you do click on either “yes” or “no” your response becomes part of our database that automatically brings up that particular hint either more frequently or less frequently, depending on whether people have found it helpful.

Through these hints and a few other features we’ll explain in future blogs, we aim to make your experience on WriteMyMemoirs unique. We value all of our members and, when you sign up with us, your goal becomes our goal: we want each of our members to complete a full memoir. Good luck writing!

How to Keep Your Memoir-Writing Resolution

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How to Keep Your Memoir-Writing Resolution
If you’re here at WriteMyMemoirs because you made a New Year’s Resolution to either start or work harder on your memoir, listen up! Statistics show that 4 out of 5 of us will probably abandon our New Year’s Resolutions within just a couple of weeks. Some suggestions to put yourself in the 20 percent who stick to it:
1. Be specific about your goal. Set up a regular schedule of when you will write.
2. Don’t over-promise, even to yourself. We all burn out easily. Make a realistic schedule that does not let this project monopolize your time. Maybe you’ll get up one hour early three times a week, you’ll write the first hour after dinner on a couple of evenings or you’ll write from 9am-1pm every Sunday.
3. Develop a full plan. Maybe you’ll decide to have a book with six chapters and complete one chapter per month so that your book will be finished by July 1. Then write out the title of each chapter.
4. Start easy. If there’s one chapter, or even just one anecdote, that you can write out effortlessly, get that on “paper” so you’ll have something solid. Then you can tackle the more challenging sections that require research or take an emotional toll on you.
5. Tell people. No matter what the goal, you tend to stay more accountable when you know that friends and family members will be asking about your progress. Maybe you can find a “memoir buddy” who also wants to write a memoir; then you can motivate each other to stay on task.
Much of the technology we’ve developed for WriteMyMemoirs should help you. You can create name all of your chapters, which creates a type of outline. Some of the details will pop up in the time lines that result from our Interview questions, so make sure you fill out your Interview. We may even be able to help you find a memoir buddy. Leave a comment here that you’d be interested in that, and we’ll put you memoir writers in touch with each other.

If you’re here at WriteMyMemoirs because you made a New Year’s Resolution to either start or work harder on your memoir, listen up! Statistics show that 4 out of 5 of us will probably abandon our New Year’s Resolutions within just a couple of weeks. Some suggestions to put yourself in the 20 percent who stick with this one:

  1. Be specific about your goal. Set up a regular schedule of when you will write.
  2. Don’t over-promise, even to yourself. We all burn out easily. Make a realistic schedule that does not let this project monopolize your time. Maybe you’ll get up one hour early three times a week, you’ll write the first hour after dinner on a couple of evenings or you’ll write from 9am-1pm every Sunday.
  3. Develop a full plan. Maybe you’ll decide to have a book with six chapters and complete one chapter per month so that your book will be finished by July 1. Then write out the title of each chapter.
  4. Start easy. If there’s one chapter, or even just one anecdote, that you can write out effortlessly, get that on “paper” so you’ll have something solid. Then you can tackle the more challenging sections that require research or take an emotional toll on you.
  5. Tell people. No matter what the goal, you tend to stay more accountable when you know that friends and family members will be asking about your progress. Maybe you can find a “memoir buddy” who also wants to write a memoir; then you can motivate each other to stay on task.

Much of the technology we’ve developed for WriteMyMemoirs should help you. You can name all of your chapters, which creates a type of outline. Some of the details will pop up in the time lines that result from our Interview questions, so make sure you fill out your Interview. We may even be able to help you find a memoir buddy. Leave a comment here that you’d be interested in that, and we’ll put you memoir writers in touch with each other.

For Memoir Research, You CAN Go Home Again

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For Memoir Research, You Can Go Home Again
We’re all so mobile these days! Many of us have moved several times since birth and today live nowhere near what we’d identify as our hometown. As seniors, we often relocate to wherever our children’s whims have taken them! Maybe as you write your memoirs, it’s time to go home again.
“If you are tracing your family’s history, few activities are more thrilling than traveling to your ancestor’s village or gravesite,” claims the “senior travel” section of about.com. “Standing where your forebears walked long ago is an amazing experience.” Calling this research a “genealogy vacation,” the piece has a few suggestions:
Schedule enough time to just wander.
Spend enough time there to soak up the culture by doing things like eating in a family-owned restaurant, attending a worship service, visiting the area’s historical museum and chatting up the locals.
Talk to everyone about your memoir. You may find someone who knew your family or who has a colorful anecdote to share about the town.
Take a GPS or map so you don’t get lost! If the townspeople do not speak in your native tongue, also bring a good dictionary for their language.
The obvious: take tons of photographs.
The not-so-obvious: keep a journal of your experiences and a written log of the photos, in order.
Next week, between Christmas and New Year’s, is a great time to schedule this type of visit. You probably have some time off work, and the town will be decorated and cheery.

We’re all so mobile these days! Many of us have moved several times since birth and today live nowhere near what we’d identify as our hometown. As seniors, we often relocate to wherever our children’s whims have taken them! Maybe as you write your memoirs, it’s time to go home again.

“If you are tracing your family’s history, few activities are more thrilling than traveling to your ancestor’s village or gravesite,” claims the “senior travel” section of about.com. “Standing where your forebears walked long ago is an amazing experience.” Calling this research a “genealogy vacation,” the piece has a few suggestions:

  • Schedule enough time to just wander.
  • Make sure to soak up the culture by doing things like eating in a family-owned restaurant, attending a worship service, visiting the area’s historical museum and chatting up the locals.
  • Talk to everyone about your memoir. You may find someone who knew your family or who has a colorful anecdote to share about the town.
  • Take a GPS or map so you don’t get lost! If the townspeople do not speak in your native tongue, also bring a good dictionary for their language.
  • The obvious: take tons of photographs.
  • The not-so-obvious: keep a journal of your experiences and a written log of the photos, in order.

Next week, between Christmas and New Year’s, is a great time to schedule this genealogy visit. You probably have some time off work, and the town will be decorated and cheery.

Celebrity Autobiographies’ First Sentences

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Celebrity Autobiographies’ First Sentences
The opening sentence of a memoir is such a brain-freeze that many people give up the goal of writing an autobiography simply because they cannot come up with a satisfactory first line. Even country crooner Willie Nelson resorts to launching into his life story, The Facts of Life and Other Dirty Jokes, with the cop-out, “They say writing the first line of a book is the hardest part.”
Fortunately, other celebrities make up for Willie’s appalling lack of originality. Consider this Chapter 1 first sentence: “My father was a very wise man who hated dishonesty more than he hated stupidity.”—from Don’t Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It’s Raining, by television’s Judge Judy Sheindlin (written with a co-author).
Judy’s opening is followed by an anecdote from her youth that not only gives an example of how her dad chastised Judy when she tried to spin a bit of a tall tale, but also reveals her father’s influence on her own moral development as well as explaining the origin of her autobiography’s title. From there, Judy jumps to her first day as a judge, because her career is the focus of this memoir. The transition is deftly achieved, but there’s still a formula to it that you can borrow: begin with a statement that gets the reader curious, offer a pertinent anecdote and then make the connection to what you really want to talk about. More celebrity first-liners this next time.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0060927941/ref=rdr_ext_tmb

The opening sentence of a memoir is such a brain-freeze that many people give up the goal of writing an autobiography simply because they cannot come up with a satisfactory first line. Even country crooner Willie Nelson resorts to launching into his life story, The Facts of Life and Other Dirty Jokes, with the cop-out, “They say writing the first line of a book is the hardest part.”

Fortunately, other celebrities make up for Willie’s appalling lack of originality. Consider this Chapter 1 first sentence: “My father was a very wise man who hated dishonesty more than he hated stupidity.”—from Don’t Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It’s Raining, by television’s Judge Judy Sheindlin (written with a co-author).

Judy’s opening is followed by an anecdote from her youth that not only gives an example of how her dad chastised Judy when she tried to spin a bit of a tall tale, but also reveals her father’s influence on her own moral development as well as explaining the origin of her autobiography’s title. From there, Judy jumps to her first day as a judge, because her career is the focus of this memoir. The transition is deftly achieved, but there’s still a formula to it that you can borrow: begin with a statement that gets the reader curious, offer a pertinent anecdote and then make the connection to what you really want to talk about. More celebrity first-liners next time. Tune in!

An Outline Can Organize Your Memoir

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An Outline Can Organize Your Memoir
A comment prompted by last week’s blog asked for more advice in getting started on a memoir. Creating an outline is an effective strategy because it’s an easier first step than writing a chapter, and the structure will guide you throughout the entire writing process.
Any decent word processing program will help you to format the outline. One common design uses, in order: roman numeral, capital letter, arabic number, lower-case letter, arabic number in parentheses, lower-case letter in parentheses and lower-case roman numeral in parentheses. You probably won’t even need to get into that level of detail. The idea is to trigger your memory and organize your thoughts so that you know where you’re going next. When applied to a memoir, it might look like this:
I. Childhood
A. Parents’ background
B. Siblings
C. School
D. Friends
E. Teen Years
II. Early Adulthood
A. 20s
1. First jobs
2. Meeting spouse
a. Courtship & marriage
b. Spouse’s family background
3. Birth of first child
B. 30s
1. New career
a. Night classes
b. Job at Company X
(1) Promotions
(a) Supervisor
(b) District manager
(i) Incident in New York
(ii) Company growth
c. Job at Company Y
2. Children
You can fill it in with a lot more—entire sentences if you like. You also don’t have to go in chronological order; check this page for other organizational options. When you become a WriteMyMemoirs member and go through our helpful interview process, a time line is created that serves as a type of outline for you. It provides cues to notable dates in your education and career, and we are working on a second time line that will organize your family life in the same way. We’re here to help, so please ask if you still have questions.

A comment prompted by last week’s blog asked for more advice in getting started on a memoir. Creating an outline is an effective strategy because it’s an easier first step than writing a chapter, and the structure will guide you throughout the entire writing process.

Any decent word processing program will help you to format the outline. One common design uses, in order: roman numeral, capital letter, arabic number, lower-case letter, arabic number in parentheses, lower-case letter in parentheses and lower-case roman numeral in parentheses. You probably won’t even need to get into that level of detail. The idea is to trigger your memory and organize your thoughts so that you know where you’re going next. When applied to a memoir, it might look like this:

I. Childhood

A. Parents’ background

B. Siblings

C. School

D. Friends

E. Teen Years

II. Early Adulthood

A. 20s

1. First jobs

2. Meeting spouse

a. Courtship & marriage

b. Spouse’s family background

3. Birth of first child

B. 30s

1. New career

a. Night classes

b. Job at Company X

(1) Promotions

(a) Supervisor

(b) District manager

(i) Incident in New York

(ii) Company growth

c. Job at Company Y

2. Children

You can fill it in with a lot more—entire sentences if you like. You also don’t have to go in chronological order; click here for other organizational options. When you become a WriteMyMemoirs member and go through our helpful interview process, a time line is created that serves as a type of outline for you. It provides cues to notable dates in your education and career, and we are working on a second time line that will organize your family life in the same way. We’re here to help, so please ask if you still have questions.

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Then just set up a chapter and start writing your memoir. Don’t worry about rules. There are no rules to writing your memoir; there are only trends. These trends are based on techniques and features identified in current top-selling memoirs. At best, they’re the flavor of the month. If you’re capturing your life in print for your family, for your own gratification or to inspire readers, rather than aiming to set off Hollywood screenplay bidding wars, these trends don’t even apply to you. You’ll write the memoir that suits you best, and it will be timeless, not trend-driven.There are no rules, but there are four steps:

1. Theme/framework
2. Writing
3. Editing/polishing
4. Self-publishing

You’ve researched this, too, and you’ve been shocked at the price for getting help with any one of those steps, much less all four. That’s because most memoir sites promise to commercialize your work. They’ll follow a formula based on current memoir trends, because they want to convince you that they can turn your memoir into a best-seller. These sites overwhelm you with unnecessary information not to help you, the memoir author, but to address Search Engine Optimization (SEO) algorithms so they can sell more.

That’s not what we do at Write My Memoirs. Our small community of coaches, writers and editors are every bit as skilled as any you’ll find, and we charge appropriately for their expertise and the time they’ll spend helping you craft a compelling, enjoyable read. But you won’t pay an upcharge for other websites’ commercialization, the marketing that follows, and the pages of intimidating “advice.” You can sell your book if you like—we have ISBNs available for you—but our organic process of capturing your story takes a noncommercial path.

If you want help with any or all of the four steps above, choose from our services or save money by selecting one of our packages. If you’d like to talk about what’s right for you, schedule a call. One year from now, you can be holding your published memoir in your hand. And at that point, it will be a big deal!

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