punctuation Archives - Write My Memoirs

How to Use Pronouns Correctly in Your Memoir, Part 2

September 17, 2024 by Rosanne Ullman

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You can avoid these four common errors in pronoun use, so don’t give up!

I’m not sure I can make a lesson in how to use pronouns correctly fun, but I hope I can make it comprehensible. Sit down. You’re going to be here a while.

Error 1: Using the subject pronoun as the object pronoun and vice versa

It’s not that either subject pronouns or object pronouns are falling out of favor. They’re all still as popular as ever, but people insert them in the wrong places. First, a reminder of which is which:

Subject Pronouns: I / he / she / you / we / they / it / who
Object Pronouns: me / him / her / you / us / them / it / whom

Subject nouns/proper nouns/pronouns cause the action. They’re the main thing. Object nouns/proper nouns/pronouns receive the action. They can be direct objects, indirect objects or objects of the preposition.

With a noun, you don’t have to know whether it’s a subject or object, because it will be the same word. The little boy started kindergarten last month. The teacher called on the little boy. The word doesn’t change until you use a pronoun:

She started kindergarten last month.
The teacher called on him.

Easy, right? You wouldn’t say, “Him started kindergarten last month,” or “The teacher called on he.”

But for some reason, when constructing a sentence with two subject pronouns or two object pronouns, people often choose one from each category. The results are wrong: “Her and I went to school together” or “The teacher called on him and I” or “The teacher called on he and me.” Sometimes both of the two pronouns come out wrong, as in “Me and her went to school together” or “The teacher called on he and I.”

Stick with all subject pronouns for the subject and all object pronouns for the object, and if “I” or “me” is one of the pronouns, put it last. The trick is to first construct the sentence with one pronoun at a time. Then you’ll choose the correct pronouns when you combine two or more.

She and I went to school together.
The teacher called on him and me.

Here are more examples to show you that it works the same way with “who” and “whom” and whether the object is a direct object, indirect object or object of the preposition:

I don’t know who will attend the program, but I hope it will be people to whom the information applies.
They and we brought the salad and dessert, so you can thank them and us for healthy greens and a sweet ending to the meal.
They gave her and me the notes to read, but time ran out before she and I could share them.

Notice that “you” and “it” use the same form no matter what function they serve:

I made dinner for you, and you brought me flowers.
When I read this book, it changed my life, but I still returned it to the library.

Error 2: Using an apostrophe with a possessive pronoun

Possessive pronouns never take apostrophes. Again, let’s start with identifications:

Possessive pronouns: mine / yours / his / hers / its / ours / theirs / whose
Possessive adjective pronouns: my / your / his / her / its / our / their / whose
Reflexive pronouns: myself / yourself / himself / herself / itself / ourselves / yourselves / themselves

Not one apostrophe on that list! If you remember just that rule of punctuation, you will avoid this common error.

Possessive nouns and proper nouns, however, do take apostrophes. Maybe that’s why so many people are confused about this. We say, “Maria’s brother will be here shortly,” “The hurricane damaged both Colin’s house and Jen’s house” and “My dog’s tail got caught in the door.” But drop the apostrophe when you replace the noun or proper noun with its pronoun substitute:

Her brother will be here shortly.
Your brother will be here shortly.
Whose brother will be here shortly?
The hurricane damaged both of their houses.
His tail got caught in the door.
Its tail got caught in the door.

There is no word “his’s,” “her’s,” “their’s” or “your’s,” but there are the words “hers,” “yours” and “theirs,” three of the possessive pronouns:

The wallet is his.
That shirt is mine.
This document is hers.
The car is ours.
These gifts are yours.
The idea was all theirs.

The word “it’s” with an apostrophe doesn’t indicate an exception to the rule of no apostrophes in possessive pronouns. This rule has no exceptions. It means that “it’s” is not a possessive but a contraction. In contractions, an apostrophe replaces one or more letters. We write “doesn’t” for “does not,” for example.

With nouns, proper nouns and pronouns, the contraction shortens words like “is” or “has,” as in “Sam’s driving very well,” or “Olivia’s received the highest honors.” You can shorten a pronoun with another word the same way:

You’re [you are] trying too hard.
We’re [we are] doing our best.
He’s [he is] driving very well.
She’s [she has] received the highest honors.
It’s [it is] going to be a nice day.
It’s [it has] been a long time since I’ve [I have] seen you.
Who’s [who is] coming with me?
Who’s [who has] been making that noise?

Test the word you’re using to see whether it’s a shortened form of two words. If you’re shortening two words and one of the words is a pronoun, that’s a contraction and you need an apostrophe. If you’re not shortening two words, then the pronoun you’re using is a possessive and you should not use an apostrophe.

Error 3: Using the object pronoun with “be” verbs

As language evolves, this rule is gradually disappearing. So it’s up to you whether you want to apply it to your writing; sometimes it makes the sentence sound awkward.

Here’s a list of “be” verbs, from the family of the infinitive “to be”: am / is / are / was / were / will be / may be / might be /ought to be / could be / would be / should be / might be / all “been” combinations

If you’re old enough to remember land line phones, you may have been taught to respond, “This is she” or “This is he” when someone asked to speak to you. That shows the correct use of the subject pronoun with a “be” verb. But it can sound wrong, especially since you now know that you should use objective pronouns in the object position. Examples of the subject pronoun with “be” verbs:

It might have been he who asked for help, but I don’t remember.
If either of us gets into trouble for this, it will be I.
The ones who hosted the party were we.

My best advice is to never use those constructions but also not to write the technically incorrect “it will be me” or “it might have been him.” Instead, you can switch the order and possibly simplify the sentence:

He might have been the one to ask for help, but I don’t remember.
Of the two of us, I will be the one who gets into trouble for this.
We hosted the party.

Error 4: Being imprecise in choosing a pronoun that ends a clause.

Don’t get thrown by the word “clause”—it just means a full thought with a subject and verb. A sentence can be a single clause or comprise two or more clauses.

For precision, you may have to draw out the sentence in your mind to determine whether to use the subject pronoun or the object pronoun. For example, would you say, “I love you more than she” or “I love you more than her”? Your decision depends on your intended meaning:

Don’t marry her! I love you more than she [does].
My ex-girlfriend? Of course I love you more than [I love] her.
He’s not as tall as I [am], but he plays tennis better than I [do].
I won’t give you as much of a raise as [I’ll give] him, but I predict that you’ll advance in the company faster than he [will].

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Getting Punctuation Correct in Your Memoir

January 9, 2024 by Rosanne Ullman

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Learn the rules once and use punctuation correctly forever.

Experts will recommend that when you sit down to write, just keep going and don’t worry about grammar or getting punctuation correct in your memoir. That’s good advice. You want the ideas to flow out of you without roadblocks that interrupt you when you’re on a good writing roll.

But that freedom at the beginning doesn’t mean you can neglect the mechanics as you polish your writing. When you go back and read what you’ve written, the editing begins, and you may find that you’re not sure about how to use commas, apostrophes and semicolons. So let’s review. I’ll try really hard to use plain English and not throw in a lot of esoteric grammatical terms.

Commas

There are so many uses of commas, and some are a matter of taste and even custom of the particular English-speaking country. I won’t list every reason to use a comma, but here are the comma’s biggest hits.

Insert a comma between two independent clauses that could be complete sentences themselves but instead are joined by a conjunction. How do you know whether they’re complete sentences? Each has a subject and a verb.
She’s writing a memoir, and she hopes to publish it traditionally through a book publishing company. Each side of that comma could be a complete sentence.

When you delete the second subject “she,” you no longer have two independent clauses and, therefore, no longer use the comma.
She’s writing a memoir and hopes to publish it traditionally through a book publishing company.

Whether you use a comma in a series is up to you. That “Oxford” or “serial” comma goes in and out of fashion. Currently, it’s in fashion.
He’s writing three books—a memoir, a novel, and a guidebook.

I’ll get a little off-topic to mention that a modern way of presenting a series lets you drop the conjunction and.
He’s writing three books—a memoir, a novel, a guidebook—and hopes to finish all of them this year.

Use a comma after a prepositional phrase that comes at the beginning of a sentence.
Before you sit down to write your memoir, make sure you have a comfortable chair and enough time to really focus.

Now I will inject a grammatical term—nonrestrictive parentheticals. That just means words that interrupt a sentence to add a fact. Since they can be deleted without changing the sentence, it makes sense that you would set off nonrestrictive parentheticals with commas.
My friend and colleague, Joe Shmo, is writing a memoir.
My friend Joe, the brother of my former coworker, is writing a memoir.

Apostrophes

The abuse of the apostrophe is well-documented, mostly in social media memes. Apostrophes are used for only two things—in the place of missing letters, which occurs in a contraction, and to indicate possession. The contraction use is the easier of the two, occurring in common words like can’t, weren’t, they’ll, you’d and I’m to shorten cannot, were not, they will, has not and I am. Common occurrences of the contraction apostrophe take the place of the i in is and the ha in has, as in:
She’s planning to throw a party when her brother’s in town, because she’s wanted her friends to meet him.

Possessives give people more trouble, probably because apostrophes are necessary in possessives except where they’re prohibited. So that’s confusing, but at least they’re prohibited only for pronouns. Possessive pronouns take no apostrophe: your, yours, my, mine, his, her, hers, our ours, their, theirs, its, whose. For all other nouns and proper nouns, use an apostrophe to indicate possession. Here’s how it works:
My son’s gloves and my daughter’s scarf are missing, but their coats are right here next to yours and mine.

Two especially confusing words are it and who, which are pronouns and follow the rule of not taking an apostrophe when they’re used as possessives, but remember that they do need the apostrophe when they’re part of the contraction it is, it has, who is or who has:
My memoir’s nearly finished, and it’s [contraction: it has] been a great experience working on each of its [possessive: belonging to it] chapters. Who’s [contraction: who is] going to read it? I hope my memoir will resonate with everyone whose [possessive: belonging to whom] life has had challenges to overcome.

Semicolons

When the semicolon is used incorrectly, the error typically is that it’s used where a comma should be. The only time commas and semicolons are interchangeable is in a long or complex series. You can choose to write this sentence with either commas or semicolons:
I hope to study a variety of subjects, including creative writing, European and Asian history, earth science and biology, sociology, accounting, and Spanish language and culture.
I hope to study a variety of subjects, including: creative writing; European and Asian history; earth science and biology; sociology; accounting; and Spanish language and culture.
Notice that I inserted a colon in the second example, because when you use semicolons in that series it’s traditional to introduce the series with a colon.

The other common use of the semicolon is to replace not a comma but a period. When you have two sentences that relate closely to each other, you can choose to separate them with a semicolon instead of a period:
I’m writing my memoir; I hope to finish by June.
Another option is to connect the two sentences with a comma followed by and. The error people tend to make is to use the semicolon when one of the parts is not a complete sentence—that is, it doesn’t have its own subject and verb.

Feel Like Taking a Course?

Then there are dashes, hyphens, colons, parentheses—let’s save those goodies for another day. Or, hey, I’ll plug our grammar course, available right here on Write My Memoirs. It’s just $59 and covers not only punctuation but verb issues, agreement challenges, word mixups and more.

Five Punctuation Marks You Won’t Need in Your Memoir

August 2, 2022 by Rosanne Ullman

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Learning all about punctuation will make you a more skilled writer, and our Write My Memoirs Grammar and Writing Course explains how to use all the punctuation marks. But do you need to have that level of skill to write your memoir? No, you don’t.

Know how to end a sentence. You’ll need either a period, a question mark or an exclamation point, and in a memoir you may never need that exclamation point except in dialogue. Know how to properly use a comma. An em dash like this—and often we use two to enclose a thought fragment—comes in handy, so you might want to find out how to use that. You’ll need hyphens for hyphenated terms like father-in-law and cold-hearted.

You must learn how to use an apostrophe. That one is important, and we cover it thoroughly in our course.

But that’s about it. Here are five punctuation marks you don’t need in order to craft a memoir.

Semicolon. A semicolon acts like a period to end a sentence. The distinction is that the semicolon ends a sentence that immediately precedes a second sentence closely related to the first. You’ll be good at this job; your background is perfect. That’s an appropriate use of a semicolon, but you also can just stick a period in there.
Colon. A colon introduces a list or a thought. It’s easy to avoid. I packed the following: shorts, a bathing suit, gym shoes, three t-shirts and a pair of jeans. To avoid the colon, just omit “the following:” and write what you packed.
Parentheses. You just don’t need parentheses. Anything you want to enclose in parentheses can be enclosed between commas or em dashes instead. Parentheses tend to weaken the impact of writing, and you certainly don’t need them in a memoir.
Brackets. This is a rare punctuation mark in general. Brackets serve as parentheses within parentheses, and we already know that we don’t even need the first set, much less the second set within the first set. Brackets also serve to speak directly to the reader, as in [sic], which will never come up in a memoir.
Single quotation marks. Although it’s become common to use single quotes to indicate little phrases that writers think don’t warrant actual quotation marks, this is a completely fabricated use. The only use for single quotation marks is to indicate a quote within a quote. In dialogue, it can come up. “I want to see ‘Titanic’ this summer,” she said. So you may need to use single quotation marks, but you probably won’t. Also, you can just italicize a movie title like Titanic instead.

So don’t worry about those five punctuation marks. To learn more, take our online course!

Memoir Writing Tip: Avoid Parentheses

January 13, 2022 by Rosanne Ullman

No matter how you’re structuring your memoir, I can predict one thing about it: you don’t need parentheses to write a good memoir.

Now, I’m not talking about brackets, which look like this: [ ]. In academic writing and for other reasons, you may need to use brackets. Let’s say you’re quoting a note someone wrote to you, and you want the reader to know that the word spelled incorrectly is from the original note rather than your typo. To indicate that, after the word you can use: [sic].

But ordinary parentheses look like this: ( ). They come in handy when you’re trying to give the reader information pertinent enough to include at that moment of reading but extraneous enough that it sort of interrupts the flow. Enclosing that information within parentheses lets the reader know that you are aware it’s not directly related to what they just read.

Why Writers Use Parentheses

Memoir authors and other writers use parentheses for one of three bad reasons:

The information is essential, but the writer is trying to wedge it into the wrong spot. This is lazy writing. As you’re writing, something has come to mind that is tangentially related to the topic at hand, but it would work much better somewhere else.
The information is so non-essential that it doesn’t belong in the book at all. You’re indulging yourself with something you want to include that has little to do with the narrower memoir topic.
The writer is just a parentheses person, and the parentheses serve as a crutch. We all tend to have our go-to punctuation, whether it’s an em dash, a semicolon, a comma, or parentheses. By relying heavily on em dashes and parentheses to set off phrases and clauses, you’re just revealing that you don’t know how to use commas. I admit to being a fan of what these days has become the hardworking em dash; I also like mixing it up and not relying on the same punctuation all the time. But so often parentheses and em dashes are the writer’s way of not having to figure out where commas would go.

Examples of Parentheses

When I google examples of parentheses use, I see sentences that I would edit to drop the parentheses. So let’s do that exercise together. I’m taking these examples either verbatim or edited from grammar.monster.com and grammar.yourdictionary.com. I have nothing against these websites; they’re just two that came up in my search.

Here’s a justified use of parentheses for some audiences, although it can be condescending if the target reader already knows the explanation. The information contained within the parentheses gives a quick explanation without taking up its own sentence:
Sometimes numerals (1, 2, 3) are used instead of writing out the numbers (one, two, three).

Often, you can’t express the thought as succinctly without the parentheses. Still, unless you’re under a restrictive word count, I don’t consider that a good enough reason to use the parentheses.
I got a great deal on a used camper (just $500).
I would rewrite it:
At just $500, the used camper I bought was a great deal.
Or:
I got a great deal on a used camper, which cost me just $500.
Even the em dash works better, I think:
I got a great deal on a used camper—just $500.

Take this quote from H.L. Mencken:
The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.
This is the use I see the most. All it does is avoid commas or using two sentences instead of one. Why? I have no idea. Mencken sticks “hence” in there, which connects the parenthetical to the rest of the sentence. Why also set it off so dramatically? Another problem is that “hence” should be enclosed in commas. I would edit it to be:
The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed and, hence, clamorous to be led to safety by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

One last example:
This month’s sales figures are sure to wow you. (Chances are, you’ll be really impressed.)
Oh, come on! Repeating what you just said in a new way is the worst reason to use parentheses. The parentheses mean you’re admitting that the sentence is completely unnecessary.

I urge you to look over your memoir and see whether you can eliminated any parentheses. I bet you’ll find at least a few instances.

Like these tips? You’ll love our grammar course. Just $39.

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